After a talk or workshop people sometimes ask questions (or will send an email later)  that are not easy to answer, because so much depends on personal circumstances.  Sometimes the answer comes from someone else who has experienced the same – so I thought I’d start a little discussion group to encourage everyone to share their ideas and solutions. 
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After all, Proverbs 11:14 says, ‘Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.’
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Here’s an often asked question, from Bob and his wife Helen, 
‘My parents want to move to a coastal town, one of those retirement areas.  But it’s a four-hour drive from where we live.  It means they won’t be able to see their grandchildren so often.  What worries me is that they’re in their late 70s and are not getting any younger … I think, if one of them gets ill, or becomes frailer, they’ll be too far away for us to help them as we would like to.  Am I right in trying to persuade them not to move?’  
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What would you say?

Louise Morse

Louise Morse MA (CBT) is media and external relations manager for the Pilgrims’ Friend Society. She is a writer and speaker, and author of books on issues of old age, including dementia, published by Lion Monarch and SPCK. She is a cognitive behavioural therapist, and her Masters’ dissertation examined the effects of caring for a loved one with dementia on close relatives.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. It’s a fascinating question. My Dad has just passed away in Royd Court at the age of 103 years and 11 months, and his recent life has had two advantages as far as I can see: 1. He was being cared for fantastically well by Pilgrim Care so we could feel free to go on holiday etc. and 2. We live only 5.9 miles from Mirfield. I know the distance so well because I’ve been visiting at least twice a week. When he and Mum were 25 miles away it was just once a week, and when we were 300 miles away in Plymouth we saw them probably just twice a year. I think these decisions have to be taken with thoughtful discussion between all the people involved, and ultimately if parents decide to go away to the coast it is their choice. You may have to be creative, planning trips to the coast with the kids, using skype etc. I don’t think there is any right or wrong, but communication and understanding are important.

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